I wish to use this as a time for my story to be heard. Well rather his death isn't about me... it's about me getting my story out there and if anyone choses to read it and well... learn from it then so be it!
When I was a senior in high school I was on top of the world. I was a big fish in a small pond. It was a great feeling and I guess it didn't help any of the situations I would find myself in.
However one day... I felt disconnected. One thing lead to another... One interaction after another interaction then a very negative conversation and I found myself locked in a classroom.
That teacher didn't question me, of course she told me to take time out and chill. Yet we could both tell without words that it was not fine. She sent the remaining members of the class out of the room and off to private assignments for the duration of the class and I was told to stay in the classroom. She left me unattended... something that scared me. This was the only time I have ever had those thoughts. I considered options. I considered how they would find out. The thing that stopped me was the idea of someone finding me. I couldn't live with myself (no pun intended) knowing that for me to act out like this it would require for someone to find me.
I guess I'm pretty lucky that on that day the teacher who realised I wasn't okay told me what to do. She came and checked on me and gave me space. We've never spoken about that day and I haven't told many people personally that I have gone through that. I did not go and have therapy and my family doesn't know that I have ever thought about it. It would hurt them if they knew I went through that and didn't tell them.
The actions of that teacher saved me. Secondary to the fact I knew that I
That small (well actually rather large) incident (or therefore lack of) has meant that in the last four years I have achieved so much. I know that I am very young and I hate to sound ignorant or even arrogant... I know that I have so much more to learn and experience but I know that I have already positively impacted so many lives.
The scary thing is ... is I am the class clown type of person. I create a barrier to everyone consisting of humour and fake trust. This usually upbeat and extraverted sense of self that I portray is not my true self. Let's face it, keeping up an act is hard... but when you've done it for as long as some of us have... you get use to it.
So, I urge you. Ask your friends, family, colleagues, students, neighbours... even the bloody postman 'Hey mate, are you doing okay?' because regardless of the output, signals or vibe that you might be receiving from a person...they could be going through a really rough patch.
Regards,
Anon
If you're doing it tough, please know help is out there. Contact Lifeline 24/7 on 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au
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