I have felt a drought to my writing and honestly a deep anger from within.
I'm not entirely sure as to what the reason is behind it all, but it's horrible.
Today I went to help out a family that I know, and I painted for an hour. People around me spoke, but hardily interacted with me. I had no music to distract me. As I sat and painted, then stood, then crouched my mind was empty...blank. No racing thoughts, no ideas, not even a small consideration. No emotion.
When interrupted from my solitary moment, I answered with short and sharp answers. No thoughts? The last thing I want to be considered as is someone who lacks the cognitive ability to think for herself.
I feel very little lately. I'm using Netflix, Reddit and the gym as my getaway. I mean, I should figure out how to use the gym more as a getaway. I'm not running from anyone else but myself... How novel.
When I do think...
Honestly I ponder on the next twelve months. I'm nearly a fully fledged teacher... but am I? This is always the hardest. Do we even consider our graduate teachers to be teachers? Legally - of course!
I wonder and worry...often not about the same issues as everyone else... I'm still not sure what goes on in my head and if it is something that should be medicated. Most days my mental health is appalling. Tomorrow I plan on going back to the gym. How exciting.
Also, I've noticed a decline in my sleeping patterns.... the first day back at uni after the break is going to hurt on Monday...
Until next time internets.
MusoChick.
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