All I ask of you is forever to remember me as loving you
Yesterday a number of my colleagues and mates sung at a funeral. The funeral was for a fellow that I did not know, however I know his wife. The funeral filled up the school chapel and filled out into the hall. We sung a number of pieces. My new found favourite 'All I ask of you' was interesting to practice. This morning I did a quick bit of research and found a short personal reflection that Josh Groban wrote (http://www.joshgroban.com/blog/naughtykate/all-i-ask-you-gregory-norbert). He said that he found himself feeling and thinking about different things depending on his mood. I agree with him, however I now that I will know associate this song with the moment that I was taught it. A similar event happened when I was taught 'All around the world' I guess what I'm trying to say without making it too explicit is the theme of vulnerability. As we practiced I had no idea where to look. With only ten people in the room and the conductor standing in front of me I stared off into the distance, and sung with a mighty amount of passion. I made it all the way to the last refrain of the chorus and I looked up at the conductor, who also was singing and also looking at me (right in the eyes)... 'remember me as loving...' I couldn't do it, I darted my eyes away for the word 'you'. That amount of vulnerability was just too much for me to handle, I felt my soul being touched. It's not something that I haven't felt before, just never THAT strong. You can tell when someone is just singing, or singing to you. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to keep on looking at the conductor... I just couldn't be that open.
Fast forward to the funeral proceedings, we did really well and I'm glad we could assist in the celebration of this mans life. Afterwards members of the congregation came and thanked us for our offering to the service. I saw a number of my teachers from high school (now colleagues) very visibly upset. This was a stark reminder that we are all humans, not robots. Seeing your high school teachers, of which a number were your rocks, sobbing... it's like seeing your parents cry.
More fast forwarding. Now the party. The party had nothing to do with the funeral - except for the fact that a we sung at a funeral then proceeded to a party. I had too much to drink. That's a certainty. However, it helped. My usual shy self... well I'm sure I left that behind somewhere. I was the centre of attention for quite some time. I was quite proud of myself that I was able to steer some conversation into the direction that I wanted. Interestingly the first story came back up, but in a very different way. Five years ago, in high school a number of small funny stories happened. Now, these were pivotal to me absolutely important. I did not expect my then teacher, now colleague, to remember these 'insignificant moments'. It was so refreshing. His recollection of the moments were exactly the same as mine.
The most interesting topic of conversation was the word Mozart. (I failed to mention it but it connected into the day more than just this. At the funeral the man mentioned his favourite composer, Mozart in his own written memoirs. They also played the second movement of Mozart's clarinet concerto just before the start of the service - THIS IS THE PIECE WHERE THIS NEXT STORY COMES FROM!)
So, in year 12 I had to give an oral presentation on Mozart, except I couldn't say his name... it sounded horrible. Of course I was given the 'tease treatment' by the then teacher, now colleague and he said to me, without a word of doubt (and he recalled it as well) '(Name), one day, you will be sitting around a table with musicians at dinner and you will need to say the word Mozart, and you need to be able to say it correctly.' Well, not only did that happen, but it happened in his presence. Then I quickly began to recall another incidence when he has made fun of me, this time about my personality. He quickly took over the conversation (I assume to prove that he remembered) and we all laughed. He then said 'We love you (name)'. Ah, full circle with the hymn, full circle with Mozart, full circle with personalities, full circle. If I did read the situation correctly, all of them, I need you to remember that we love you too.
I'm glad that chapter has been significantly dealt with. When I go back to school this week I'm Ms (name). I'm a teacher. I know who I am. I know that I'm loved. I know.
Thanks
Musochick
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